Approaching Death's Door
Are you a person facing a major life-threatening illness? Or perhaps the person that's seriously ill isn't you. It's someone you love.
BIG questions arise at a time like this:
For people nearing the end of life, or their loved ones, the support I offer focuses on helping them to consciously come alive - whether it's to fight for survival, or to surrender to the dying that one day will come. That means showing up fully - both to ask some of the BIG questions listed above, and to take on equally BIG tasks during the precious days ahead.
in person by internet by phone
weekly biweekly monthly
You do not have to make this journey alone.
To be clear, my practice is not that of a physician. I do not offer primary care, medical workups, diagnosing, or prescribing of medications. Instead, I offer a counseling-based service that draws upon my three decades of caring for people who are seriously ill and two decades of doing wilderness rites-of-passage work. The support I offer begins with deep listening to a person’s medical story, mirroring it back, and offering guidance about ways to move forward. I often encourage people to carry issues out into nature -- "ecotherapy" -- and to bring that experience back to the work we're doing together.
Are you a person facing a major life-threatening illness? Or perhaps the person that's seriously ill isn't you. It's someone you love.
BIG questions arise at a time like this:
- Who am I now?
- Is this a time for fighting or surrendering?
- In whatever time I have left, what really matters to me most?
- How do I bring closure to this life I've lived?
- How do I do the difficult work of forgiveness?
- How do I make peace with the regrets I may still have?
For people nearing the end of life, or their loved ones, the support I offer focuses on helping them to consciously come alive - whether it's to fight for survival, or to surrender to the dying that one day will come. That means showing up fully - both to ask some of the BIG questions listed above, and to take on equally BIG tasks during the precious days ahead.
in person by internet by phone
weekly biweekly monthly
You do not have to make this journey alone.
To be clear, my practice is not that of a physician. I do not offer primary care, medical workups, diagnosing, or prescribing of medications. Instead, I offer a counseling-based service that draws upon my three decades of caring for people who are seriously ill and two decades of doing wilderness rites-of-passage work. The support I offer begins with deep listening to a person’s medical story, mirroring it back, and offering guidance about ways to move forward. I often encourage people to carry issues out into nature -- "ecotherapy" -- and to bring that experience back to the work we're doing together.
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about the Final Crossing
I have worked as a physician specializing in the care of the dying for over 30 years, and as a wilderness guide for nearly 20 years. These two endeavors came together as one in the writing of my book The Final Crossing: Learning to Die in Order to Life. Central to all three - the hospice work, the wilderness guiding, and this book - is a centuries-old Mayan wisdom about how to die well. |
This four-step teaching uses descriptive language to evoke the universal psycho-spiritual challenges faced by all people who are dying, regardless of culture or historical era. The four stages are Decision Road, Death Lodge, Purpose Circle and In Between Worlds. Each stage also contains major lessons that can be applied to the daily lives of people wanting to live as consciously as they can.
Decision Road: Here dying people are called to consciously take on the truth of their own mortality. The challenge of this stage is to have “the difficult conversations” about what lies ahead—with physicians, with family and friends, and most importantly, with one’s self.
For people who are alive and healthy, lessons at the deathbed teach us the importance of taking on these same “difficult conversations” now - well before we are dying. Ask yourself:
How might I live my life as consciously as possible?
Death Lodge: When a dying person enters “the death lodge,” friends and family are invited to come and say their goodbyes. According to an old hospice teaching, to complete a relationship you must be able to say five things. “Please forgive me.” “I forgive you.” “Thank you.” “I love you.” “Goodbye.” This is the essential work of the death lodge.
Here the challenge for people who are healthy is to do this “death lodge” work now, rather than waiting for the last days of life. This asks us to do the hard work of forgiveness, apology and reconciliation, so that our most important relationships can be about giving and receiving love and gratitude. Ask yourself:
How can I keep my important relationships “current”, rather than waiting until life's end?
Purpose Circle: If blessed with enough time and some good fortune, each person may find purpose and discover meaning in different ways. As death approaches, the time will then come to sum this up through a life review and a final closure. This may include writing a will; preparing a funeral service; creating an ethical will; finishing an important creative endeavor; or making peace with one’s own personal God.
This phase of dying challenges all of us—while we are living and well—to consider how we create our final legacy each and every day of our lives. Ask yourself:
If I died tomorrow, what would I leave behind right now?
In Between Worlds: A dying person finally reaches the last days, which will test their own beliefs about what this final crossing represents. When a person dies, is that all there is—physical disintegration and nothing more? Or is there an afterlife? If so, do we go to some kind of otherworld, or are we reincarnated back into this world? What a person believes will likely influence the preparations necessary to make this final crossing.
Each of us makes our own deathbed every day of our lives. We, who are generally healthy, might consider how our own beliefs about this final crossing—including what lies beyond this life—may influence choices we make now. Ask yourself:
If ultimately we die the same way we have lived, how might I better prepare?
During my career I’ve made hundreds of visits to people facing a life-threatening disease. Some were in clinics, hospitals and nursing homes, but most were in people’s own homes. During these more traditional medical visits, I have seldom used language like “Death Lodge” or “Purpose Circle”, and yet these concepts are central to the work I do. Much of hospice work naturally focuses on symptom management – a central responsibility of a hospice physician – but even more, the work I now do focuses on these kinds of psycho-spiritual tasks.
Decision Road: Here dying people are called to consciously take on the truth of their own mortality. The challenge of this stage is to have “the difficult conversations” about what lies ahead—with physicians, with family and friends, and most importantly, with one’s self.
For people who are alive and healthy, lessons at the deathbed teach us the importance of taking on these same “difficult conversations” now - well before we are dying. Ask yourself:
How might I live my life as consciously as possible?
Death Lodge: When a dying person enters “the death lodge,” friends and family are invited to come and say their goodbyes. According to an old hospice teaching, to complete a relationship you must be able to say five things. “Please forgive me.” “I forgive you.” “Thank you.” “I love you.” “Goodbye.” This is the essential work of the death lodge.
Here the challenge for people who are healthy is to do this “death lodge” work now, rather than waiting for the last days of life. This asks us to do the hard work of forgiveness, apology and reconciliation, so that our most important relationships can be about giving and receiving love and gratitude. Ask yourself:
How can I keep my important relationships “current”, rather than waiting until life's end?
Purpose Circle: If blessed with enough time and some good fortune, each person may find purpose and discover meaning in different ways. As death approaches, the time will then come to sum this up through a life review and a final closure. This may include writing a will; preparing a funeral service; creating an ethical will; finishing an important creative endeavor; or making peace with one’s own personal God.
This phase of dying challenges all of us—while we are living and well—to consider how we create our final legacy each and every day of our lives. Ask yourself:
If I died tomorrow, what would I leave behind right now?
In Between Worlds: A dying person finally reaches the last days, which will test their own beliefs about what this final crossing represents. When a person dies, is that all there is—physical disintegration and nothing more? Or is there an afterlife? If so, do we go to some kind of otherworld, or are we reincarnated back into this world? What a person believes will likely influence the preparations necessary to make this final crossing.
Each of us makes our own deathbed every day of our lives. We, who are generally healthy, might consider how our own beliefs about this final crossing—including what lies beyond this life—may influence choices we make now. Ask yourself:
If ultimately we die the same way we have lived, how might I better prepare?
During my career I’ve made hundreds of visits to people facing a life-threatening disease. Some were in clinics, hospitals and nursing homes, but most were in people’s own homes. During these more traditional medical visits, I have seldom used language like “Death Lodge” or “Purpose Circle”, and yet these concepts are central to the work I do. Much of hospice work naturally focuses on symptom management – a central responsibility of a hospice physician – but even more, the work I now do focuses on these kinds of psycho-spiritual tasks.
If you have a life-threatening illness, or someone you love does,
how might you show up consciously for the path that lies ahead?
You do not have to walk this path alone.
how might you show up consciously for the path that lies ahead?
You do not have to walk this path alone.
Click on a picture to explore another kind of life transitions.
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UNDERWORLD JOURNEY THE YOUTH PASSAGE, THE FINAL CROSSING
OF A MAJOR ILLNESS THE MIDLIFE PASSAGE
& THE ELDER PASSAGE
Petaluma, California
seberle@sbcglobal.net
707-772-5404
seberle@sbcglobal.net
707-772-5404
